Argument Essay sample + feedback

Looking for a sample Argument Essay with some expert feedback? Here’s a real essay from a fellow GMAT-student!

PROMPT:

The following paragraph recently appeared in an editorial printed in the opinion section of a local newspaper:

The recent surge in violence in the southern part of the city is a result of a shortage of police officers and an absence of leadership on the part of the city council. In order to rectify the burgeoning growth of crime that threatens the community, the city council must address this issue seriously. Instead of spending time on peripheral issues such as education quality, community vitality, and job opportunity, the city council must realize that the crime issue is serious and double the police force, even if this action requires budget cuts from other city programs.

With the allotted time remaining, discuss how well reasoned you find this argument.

ESSAY:

The argument claims that the recent surge in violence in the southern part of the city is a result of a shortage of police officers and an absence of leadership on the part of the city council and hence the city council must react seriously to the situation by doubling the police force even if doing so requires budget cuts from other city programs. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Hence the argument is weak or unconvincing and has several flaws.

First and most importantly, the argument readily assumes that the recent surge in violence in the southern part of the city is a result of a shortage of police officers. This statement is a stretch in a sense that it fails to establish that the shortage of police officers is the only reason for the recent surge in violence. Other factors such as poor economy, a lack of job opportunity and a declined in education quality can also result in a surge in violence. Take the US for example, its rate of violence crimes increases with that of the unemployment which is currently at 9.8%. Without establishing the root cause of the situation carefully, the argument may lead to corrective actions which will not produce the desired outcome.

Second the argument claims that the city council does not realize the seriousness of the recent surge in violence and therefore is not addressing the surge in violence seriously. This is again very weak and fails to prove that the city council is not addressing the surge in violence seriously enough. It could be a case whereby the city council is still working on the issue but there have been no concrete actions yet.

Finally, the argument claims that the city council should double the police force at the expenses of other issues such as education quality, community vitality and job opportunity to curb the recent surge in violence. This again is a far-fetch conclusion in that it did not explain how doubling the police force can help in curbing the recent surge in violence even if it true that indeed a shortage of police force is the cause of the surge in violence.

In summary, the argument is flawed and therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthen if the author clearing mentioned all the relevant facts. In order to ascertain the root cause and subsequently the solution to a situation, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors and weigh them appropriately before arriving at the conclusion.

FEEDBACK:

This essay is absolutely on the right track. It has clear, forceful writing & a good grasp of the task at hand! Here’s the bullet-points where it could be fine-tuned:

– Style-wise, “hence” is used twice in the opening paragraph; it’s hard to come up with good transition words, but varying up your diction can be impressive to the reader

– For this thesis, the reader is going to look straight at the last sentence of the opening paragraph: “Hence the argument is weak or unconvincing and has several flaws.”

Look for a way to combine this with the previous sentence to make it strong and more stand-alone. The word “or” weakens this thesis – why not use “and”? Always aim for the strongest language possible when criticizing the argument.

-1st paragraph – the phrases “in a sense” and “may lead” are a bit wishy-washy; excellent logic is displayed here and the link between crime and unemployment is strong. It could be improved by a more specific example, such as a case where someone unemployed committed a crime.

-2nd paragraph – There’s not enough of a reason why the city council doesn’t realize. As in the first body paragraph, can it be related  to the real world? How do city councils function? How could they be unaware?

– 3rd paragraph – “far-fetched” should be written instead of “far-fetch”  – What would be even more powerful here would be to discuss how lack of quality education, community vitality and job opportunity can lead to an increase in violence that would overwhelm even a doubled police force

– Conclusion – It’s excellent, with a nice adding in of how it could be strengthened!

Make sure to leave 1-2 min. at the end to proofread your Argument essay – A couple grammatical errors are not massively important, but they do detract from the overall reader impression, so practice writing several essays until you can effectively manage your time!

Grammar Guide: the usage of “those”

Confused about how “those” works on the SAT, ACT, GRE, or GMAT? Let’s take a look at a question from Manhattan GMAT that uses this word!

Salt deposits and moisture threaten to destroy the Mohenjo-Daro excavation in Pakistan, the site of an ancient civilization that flourished at the same time as the civilizations in the Nile delta and the river valleys of Tigris and Euphrates.

A) that flourished at the same time as the civilizations
B) that had flourished at the same time as had the civilizations
C) that flourished at the same time those had
D) flourishing at the same time as those did
E) flourishing at the same time as those were

In general, “those” is the plural of “that.” It’s in a group called “determiners” along with “this”, “that”, “these”, “those,” “here” and there that are technically pronouns but often function more like adjectives.

For C, D, and E, “those” is meant to mean something like “the ones” and could be used as a pronoun to replace a plural antecedent if there was one in the sentence, and if the construction was parallel.

The correct answer is (A).

6 Most-Tested GRE Problem Solving Concepts

Noticing that your scores on your GRE practice test isn’t quite as high as you’d like? One quick way to get better GRE Quantitative scores is to increase your content-knowledge in the most-tested Problem Solving areas. Here are the top seven most-tested GRE Quant concepts to review; get these down and you’ll ace the GRE section!

1. Functions and Symbols. A function is a different way of writing an equation. Instead of y = mx + b, we’d have f(x) = mx + b. It’s helpful to think of a function as simply replacing the “y” with a symbol called “f(x).” The GRE may also present made-up symbol functions; pay attention to any definitions you are given, and expand accordingly.

2. Number Properties. The properties of integers, primes, odds and evens, integers, fractions, positives, and negatives will all appear in various questions on your GRE test. The more comfortable you are with them, the more quickly you will arrive at the correct answer. This concept will bleed over into Quantitative Comparisons as well.

3. Plane and Coordinate Geometry. Not only will you need to know the standard equations for a line, parabola, and circle, but also you will need to memorize the distance formula, the midpoint formula, the slope formula, the relationship between slopes and the different quadrants, properties of parallel, perpendicular, vertical, and horizontal lines, as well as the quadratic formula/discriminant. For Plane Geometry, triangles are tested the most often on the GRE. You should know the Pythagorean Theorem, Triangle Inequality Theorem, the special right triangles: 45-45-90 and 30-60-90, as well as the properties of isosceles and equilateral triangles. Other plane geometry concepts to review include angles, circles, and polygons. Make sure you know how to find the perimeter and area of all shapes, and be comfortable dividing irregular shapes into manageable pieces.

4. Linear & Quadratic Equations. y = mx + b is the standard equation for a straight line, or a linear equation, where m is the slope and b is the y-intercept. You’ll need to know how to graph them and how to find the slope given two points. Quadratic equations look like y = ax2 + bx + c, and make a parabola, or curved line. Quadratics have two factors, and two solutions (also called “roots”). You will need to know how to factor quadratic equations to find the roots, how to find the quadratic if given the roots, and how to graph a quadratic on a grid given the equation.

5. Ratios and Proportions. A ratio is a relationship between two things. Given a ratio and one “real world” number, you can always set up a proportion to solve for the other missing “real world” number. Sometimes you will need to do this for similar triangles in Geometry, and sometimes in algebraic word problems.

6. Data Analysis. Data Analysis questions are like an open-book test. Make sure you read every tiny piece of writing on or near the data, including titles, the labels for the x and y-axes, column names, and even footnotes if there are any. Pay attention to the units of measurement, and notice any trends in the data BEFORE reading the questions.

Spotting Consistent Ideas in GRE Sentence Equivalence

Sentence Equivalence is one of the newer GRE Verbal question types (replacing the older Sentence Completions). Like Sentence Completions, Sentence Equivalence consists of one sentence with one blank. Unlike Sentence Completions, there are two correct answers and not one, and you must get both to get the question correct.

To solve Sentence Equivalence, you’ll need to know 1) the relationship of the blank to the rest of the sentence, and 2) the meaning of the entire sentence. There are approximately 8 total Sentence Equivalence questions on the GRE, 4 on each Verbal section. These questions should take approximately 1 minute each.

Consistent Ideas is one of the four types of Sentence Equivalence questions. In Consistent Ideas questions, the blank will mirror or extent the logic of the rest of the sentence. Like it sounds, the blank will continue the ideas of the rest of the sentence. You’ll be able to recognize this type because of certain constructions.

Here are common “Consistent Ideas” key words and phrases to look out for: for this reason, again, to reiterate, along with, in addition, for example, to illustrate, thus, likewise, similarly, since, also, and, next, as well as, as a result, to sum up, concluding, additionally, etc.

Let’s look at an example Sentence Equivalence question:

1. As a teacher of creative writing, Mercedes demanded her students’ best work; likewise, her own fiction was often subjected to ———– analysis by those same students.

A. scrupulous
B. equitable
C. reverent
D. spiteful
E. malicious
F. rigorous

We know this is a Sentence Equivalence Consistent Ideas question because of the keyword “likewise.” The semicolon tells us the second half of the sentence will mirror the logic of the first half. The key phrase is “demanded” which explains the relationship. We can predict something like “demanding” for the blank. We need a word that is neither positive nor negative, but shows a strong, exacting demand.

How to Rock Sequences on the GRE

On the GRE, there are two types of sequences to watch out for: arithmetic, and geometric. An arithmetic sequence occurs when there is a constant difference between terms. For example, in a sequence of 3, 5, 7, 9…, then the difference is +2. In a geometric sequence, there is a constant ratio and not a constant difference.

The common ratio is found by dividing the 1st term into the 2nd term. For example, in a sequence of 2, 4, 8, 16…, the ratio is 2, since each term is multiplied by 2 to get the next term.

The concept of sequences is fairly simple, but what to do when a question asks for an impossibly high term, such as the 149th term? There isn’t enough time to write the sequence out that far, so we’d use one of the following formulas:

For Arithmetic: an = a1 + (n – 1)d

For Geometric: an = a1 * r(n-1)

In these equations, an = nth term, a1 = first term in the sequence, d = difference, r = ratio, and n = the number of the term you want to find. For example, if we were asked to find the 33rd term in the geometric sequence above, we would plug in as follows:

an = 2 * 2(33 – 1)
an = 233

Let’s look at a practice question:

1. In the sequence of numbers, a1, a2, a3, a4, a5, each number after the first is 5 times the preceding number. If a4 – a1 is 93, what is the value of a1?
For this question, it is best to choose simple numbers to see the pattern. If a1 is 1, then we know that a2 = 5, a3 = 25 and a4 = 125, so we know that a4 will be 5*5*5 or 125 times the value a1,. No matter what we choose as a1, a4 will always be 125 times greater than a1. We need to find a value such that 125x – x = 93

124x = 93
x = 3/4

Circular Permutations Questions

We’ve all seen those tricky Permutation/Combination questions involving people around a circular table. How do we solve them? Well, they’re actually pretty ridiculously easy!

Let’s examine one:

There are 7 people and a round table with 5 seats. How many arrangements are possible?

This question might seem complex at first because there are more people than there are seats. It’s kind of a Permutation AND a Combination in one!

So first we’re wondering, how many ways to choose 5 from 7? This is a simple Comb:

7C5 = 7! / 5!2! = 7 x 6 / 2 = 42/2 = 21 ways

So now for each of those ways, we’re wondering, how many ways can we order 5 people around a table?

For any table with “x” seats, the number of possible arrangements is (x-1)!, so here 4! = 4 x 3 x 2 = 24.

21 x 24 = 504

The correct answer is 504.

The key takeaway here is that “choosing” X from Y always allows for the Combination formula (x! / (x-y)! y!), and the number of arrangements around a circular table with “X” seats is always (X-1)! There’s actually not that much to memorize!

GMAT / GRE Reading Comp: Primary Purpose

“Primary purpose” questions on the GRE and GMAT ask you to understand the author’s overall intention. Try this practice passage on your own, then read further down for a couple questions, their answers and a full explanation!

Behavior science courses should be gaining prominence in business
school curricula. Recent theoretical work convincingly shows why behav-
ioral factors such as organizational culture and employee relations are
among the few remaining sources of sustainable competitive advantage in
modern organizations. Furthermore, (10) empirical evidence demonstrates
clear linkages between human resource (HR) practices based in
the behavioral sciences and various aspects of a firm’s financial success.

Additionally, some of the world’s most successful organizations have made
unique HR practices a core element of their overall business strategies.

Yet the behavior sciences are struggling for credibility in many
business schools. Surveys show that business students often regard
behavioral studies as peripheral to the mainstream business curriculum.
This perception can be explained by the fact that business students, hoping
to increase their attractiveness to prospective employers, are highly
sensitive to business norms and practices, and current business
practices have generally been moving away from an emphasis on
understanding human behavior and toward more mechanistic organiza-
tional models. Furthermore, the status of HR professionals within
organizations tends to be lower than that of other executives.
Students’ perceptions would matter less if business schools
were not increasingly dependent on external funding-form legislatures,
businesses, and private foundations- for survival. Concerned with their
institutions’ ability to attract funding, administrators are increasingly tar-
getting low-enrollment courses and degree programs for elimination.

Question #1: The primary purpose of the passage is to

A. propose a particular change to business school curricula
B. characterize students’ perceptions of business school curricula
C. predict the consequences of a particular change in business school curricula
D. challenge one explanation for the failure to adopt a particular change in business school curricula
E. identify factors that have affected the prestige of a particular field in business school curricular

Question #2: The author of the passage mentions “empirical evidence” primarily in order to

A. question the value of certain commonly used HR practices
B. illustrate a point about the methodology behind recent theoretical work in the behavioral sciences
C. support a claim about the importance that business schools should place on courses in the behavioral sciences
D. draw a distinction between two different factors that affect the financial success of a business
E. explain how the behavioral sciences have shaped HR practices in some business organizations

Here’s how I broke down the passage (your style of note-taking might be different, and that’s perfectly okay):

Topic: Behavior science
Scope: challenges facing B.s.
Author’s pov: It should be gaining prominence. +

Paragraph 1: to state that B.s. should be gaining prominence and give 2 reasons:
(1. organization culture + employee relations are important)
(2. HR based in B.s = $$$)

Paragraph 2: to add a 3rd reason
(3. successful orgs use that HR)

Paragraph 3 : to give 2 reasons why B.s. is struggling
(1. students seem B.s as peripheral b/c they focus on the norms)
(2. HR professionals are low status).

Paragraph 4: to add a 3rd reason why B.s. is struggling
(3. $$ comes from external sources; courses get cut if not popular)

OVERALL PURPOSE: to explain why B.s. should be prominent & explain challenges it faces

Since this is a “primary purpose” question, we must especially make sure to eliminate answer choices that ARE in the passage, but are not “primary” as well as choices that are outside the scope of the author’s focus.

A. Out of Scope. The curricula itself is not the focus.
B. Misused Detail. While this is mentioned in the passage, it isn’t the overall purpose.
C. Incorrect. The “consequences” are not specifically mentioned, nor are particular changes described.
D. Incorrect. The author does not challenge one explanation – he offers a variety of reasons why B.s is not getting its due, but does not “challenge” any of them, or suggest one carries more weight than the others and even if you interpreted it to refer to the 2nd paragraph, this would not be the focus of the ENTIRE passage.
E. CORRECT! The passage focuses on why B.s. is being challenged.

For the second question, this is a Function question. When a question asks WHY the author uses one aspect of the paragraph, go back and review the function of the ENTIRE paragraph. After all, don’t details all serve to support the main goal of their containing paragraphs?

We could re-word the question as, “WHY does the author use “empirical evidence?” To make a prediction, all we need to do is return to our notes. We said that he used it as an example of why B.s SHOULD be gaining prominence. Now that we have our prediction, the answer is clearly (C).